does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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