I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
