I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
