i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
