Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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