I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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