I wish I only lived at night.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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