Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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