i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
