Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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