Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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