I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
