Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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