Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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