Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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