My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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