I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
