I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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