Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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