i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
