I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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