$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
