i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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