Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She bit a glass in half.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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