She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
