Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
