My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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