I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm at about main and main street
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
