Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
