Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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