I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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