How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
