i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
