she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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