i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
