Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
