i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
