I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
