Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
