I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
