my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
