Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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