hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
