Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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