So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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