I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
