I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
