you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
