she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
