I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
