I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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