no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
