I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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