Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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