Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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