I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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