I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
