the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
