this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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