i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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