I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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