She is in my trunk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
