This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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