Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
