Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
