WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
