Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
